RETREAT SNIPPET #4

From my journal:


Integrity, or the lack of it, has been an issue for me recently in my relationships with other people. Since December, my low level depression has deepened. On occasions, I have felt a loss of control of my thoughts and emotions.


In my interpersonal relations with dear friends, they have noted an undercurrent of anger. After months of personal introspection, I was able to identify the sources of this anger. In the past few weeks, I have begun dealing directly with the lack of integrity of the people involved and also begun taking actions to "step away" from these toxic relationships.


Having identified the lack of integrity as a source of my anger and increased depression, I intend to live a fully open and honest life where integrity will be a capstone. I know in my heart when my words and actions are aligned and true. Now I must listen and heed my heroic heart.

RETREAT SNIPPET #3

From my journal:


Searching for a Heroic Heart


Why the long line of dysfunctional men in my family? I hesitate to call it weakness as I probably don't have enough facts to be so judgmental. But how have I attained almost 58 years with so few strong, positive role models. It seems the men I admire most are those I've encountered in my men's work or when discussing men's work. I may not be in regular, systematic contact with most of these men, but they are authentic and possess integrity and I know that if I needed to, I could send an email or pick up the phone and they would be there to listen to me. Sometimes we don't need answers; sometimes we just need someone with a strong, kind heart to sit and listen and send us back to the world more whole.

RETREAT SNIPPET #2

From my journal:

Why am I here? After a year of many detours and false starts, I am looking to return home. Pain and anger have fallen off my soul like scales from eyes that are now able to see. I am home in the company of men who are willing to share this journey with me. Today is a blessing long desired. I am truly blessed.

Amen.

RETREAT SNIPPET #1

I picked up my friend, John, who lives in SF at a Starbucks near downtown and we headed out to Plano, IL (a suburb about 25 miles west of Chicago). When we arrived at the LaSalle Manor Retreat Center (affiliated with the Christian brothers), we were greeted as we pulled into our parking space with a big smile and open arms by Steve, a UCC pastor from Vermillion, South Dakota and co-leader of this retreat. Steve summoned his two teenage sons, Caleb and Seth to grab our luggage out of the back of my SUV. We had begun our retreat with an extravagant welcome!

MALE SPIRIT RETREAT - THE HEROIC HEART





For about 7 years now, I've attended a men's retreat organized by the Shem Center for Interfaith Spirituality. Formerly held over Dr. King's birthday weekend in January, this year's retreat was held over Columbus Day weekend at LaSalle Manor Retreat Center in Plano, IL. I have just returned from this event attended by 27 incredible men from a diverse range of places. The theme of this year's retreat was The Male Heroic Heart and was led by Brother Joseph Kilikevice, founder and director of the Shem Center, and Steve Miller, a UCC pastor, from Vermillion, South Dakota.

Over the next few days, I plan to give you a glimpse of the retreat through general descriptions of our activities and my journal entries. Stay tuned.

WORK AND PRAYER

One of the primary principles of monasticism is leading a balanced life of work and prayer. While on retreat at Christ in the Desert Monastery in Abiquiu, New Mexico last week, I took the opportunity to participate fully in the life of the monks by volunteering to work several days in the monastery giftshop. In prior visits, I have done this and found it to be a wonderful, quiet time to read, write and meditate. This year's experience was also wonderful, but in a different way.

Within walking distance of Christ in the Desert Monastery is a women's monastery called Our Lady of the Desert. One of the nuns from that monastery has taken over responsibilities as manager of all aspects of the giftshop. Any of you who have grown up Catholic can probably already see where I am going. This would not be an experience of quietly sitting, reading, writing and meditating. Sister Kateri put me to work. The following little ditty is in tribute to my tough taskmaster.

A SHIFT IN THE MONASTERY GIFTSHOP

Sister Kateri
“Come now, don’t tarry!
Work to be done,
Thy Kingdom come!"

BRIAN THE YOUNGER

At a recent Interspiritual men's retreat, 2 young men experienced a rite of passage into adolescence. As part of this process, they went on a 3 hour Vision Quest. Denied lunch, they sat in the January weather in Woodstock, Illinois, contemplating great life questions in the context of the liminal space they inhabited - no longer children, not quite men. Later in the evening, one of the young men, Brian, shared with us what he learned from this experience. Out of the mouth of Brian the Younger came this superb Zen observation:

"If you don't move, you get cold." - Brian, age 13

RITE OF INITIATION

A young male came before us,
tall and thin with tousled blond hair,
boldly standing astride the two worlds
of adolescence and adulthood;
belonging to neither but part of both,
in liminal space, he sought
an ancient gift from this company of men.

No macho, bravado,
beer-swigging, crotch-scratching gathering this.
No, men, truly men, who lean into their beings
and bravely help each other stretch their souls.
This young male came looking for ritual
to heal what is past,
to share what is present,
to seek what his future can bring.

And so it begins as he lies on the floor,
men standing in circle around him.
A holy man and his father
hold a black pall over his body,
and we hear words of a necessary death.
Slowly lowered, the pall quiets
the voices of men. Lit candles placed
'round the body bring prayers
to our hearts and our lips.
I stand and watch this boy's father,
my deep friend who I long to console,
when a vision of my own father comes
quickly recalling the two sons he buried
as I feel for the first time his pain.
The dry wells from which waters rarely arise,
spring forth with tears from a deep place of pain.
The pall lifts off a man's body this time.
He stands and faces the circle,
greeted by half-smiles as we struggle
to recover from mourning
to celebrate his rebirth.

Sitting now, cups are passed
to each man in holy circle.
Water is poured from a jug
as the story is told
of Lakota offerings; water to those
in their year of mourning,
replenishing tears they have shed.
As I drink from this cup, I choke
on the taste of salt. But stifle the urge
so to keep holy silence.
After sharing words among brothers,
the ceremony ends with our welcome
of this young male to manhood.

Steve has taken his place,
shoulder to shoulder,
newly formed a man,
as the teacher of a lesson on pain.

MONDAY NIGHT - 9:00PM

With a click, the lighter catches
and I slowly lower the flame.
In an instant, the wick lights
and quickly begins to dance.
Joining the lights of a far-flung tribe,
the flame brightens as others connect.
Caressing the tall glass container,
I feel the heat of many hearts
together once again in a circle of truth,
gentleness, respect and love.
Twin spirits enter my space
and join me before the flame.
From another room, two cats, nature's own,
one male and one female join me by my side.
As we three sit together before the flame,
I bless each spirit on the head
with the warmth of the flame
and each gratefully nuzzles my hand,
returning the love.
Visions of the circle return
as I see one-by-one,
the souls of my brothers.
Once separate, now joined
tonight and forever,
we are one.